It's all hidden.

for da first time in my life i dun noe wad da hell im doin..ppl keep on tellin me i have to try to accept wad has happened n i noe i should too..but,it is juz so hard..trust me i wanna get on wif my life as well but things r not easy..i never thought i will have to go through losin some1 so dear to me at dis stage of my life..it may not seem like i even think of him at all but in actual fact i think of him every single day..mom doesnt think i care but if only she knew how i am feelin right now..

i dun wanna look at his photos or talk abt him or visit his grave dat often coz it all juz reminds me of da fact dat he is gone..i dun think im ready to b facin dat right now..it may sound stupid but i will dial is hp no. sometimes juz to check whether i am juz imaginin all of dis..it all seems like a weird dream dat never seem to end..

i really dunno how to handle dis matter..dis is actually da first time im grievin n i dunno how to go abt doin it..i feel so helpless coz i cant even help myself..n pretendin to b happy in skool is tiring me out..even smillin is a chore sometimes..nobody understands me in skool n i dun blame them..i guess i dun wanna be understood..n it is not their responsibily to understand me..

however i would really like to thank those hu actually bothers to ask me out n tries to make things better for me..juz havin ppl ard me actually helps a lot..i deeply appreciate ur gestures..i will bounce back frm dis situation n try to accept things..but,i dun think i have da strength or guts to do it right now..i guess da day i forgive myself for not waking up sooner will b da day i let things go..i m juz not ready yet..not tonight..

fad's told you a secret at 10:15 PM .